Written by Ashleigh Andersen
The word adoption comes from the Latin roots ad—meaning “to”—and optio—meaning “choose.”
The Lord, in His kindness and mercy, has chosen us to be His sons and daughters and brought us into a family that we would never have been a part of without His choosing. In the same way, when we choose adoption, we welcome children into our home and give them a new family. And just as we have been welcomed in by Christ Himself, we should consider welcoming others!
We are the Andersens, Chris and Ashleigh, with seven kids: one through private adoption, one biological son, and five adopted from foster care—plus two dogs, and a partridge in a pear tree (not really, though, because I’m terrified of birds).
Not If But When
When Chris and I were dating, we knew adoption would one day be part of our story. A mentor and friend adopted a little boy whom we loved so much, and so for us, it was never a question of if—but when. Around the same time, we were involved in youth ministry and came alongside a teenage girl who became pregnant and chose life and adoption for her baby. We had the privilege of walking that journey with her through the delivery and the grieving process of loving the baby enough to let him have a different family. I would drive her every other week to a support group for moms who had placed babies for adoption. It was in that season that the Lord opened my eyes to how much a mother can love a baby, despite her circumstances, and chose the most sacrificial act of letting someone else also love that baby as their own.
Four years into our marriage, we began our first adoption process. We had been told that, for us, conceiving children was a medical impossibility. While there was grief in that door being closed, there was also confirmation of what the Lord had been shaping for us all along: adoption would be how the Andersen family would grow. I think, like most things, it’s good to know your own limitations and capabilities. And for me, my desire to be a mom helped us decide to adopt our first daughter through a private agency.
Two years after that little girl was born, we stepped into the world of foster care. The goal of foster care is reunification, and when that can happen in safe and healthy ways, it is SO beautiful! But I needed a baby that I knew was “mine” before I could love and take care of other children that could potentially go home.
Fast forward 19 years since that first adoption, and we have now adopted five more times (two sibling groups through foster care) and birthed a son—despite the medical impossibilities. We have also provided a home for 19 additional foster children at different points who have either reunified with their family or found permanency in other homes.
The Gift of Choosing
Throughout all of scripture we see the Lord’s commands to “welcome.” Welcome the sojourner, welcome the exile, welcome one another, show hospitality. In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus Himself says, “Let the little children come unto me” and commands us to give “to the least of these.” That coupled with the ways that the Gospel itself allows us to be part of the family of God through adoption, has solidified in our minds that one of the primary roles of a follower of Christ is to care for orphans. We are loved only because of God’s heart for His people, having nothing to do with our own merit. The same is true of children needing a home. They, like us, with the Father, bring nothing to the table; however, we have the opportunity to welcome them with the same love that we have been given.
With the definition of adoption being rooted in choosing, it’s the perfect word for adding children to your family who don’t share your DNA. We know from 1 Corinthians 13 that love is a lot of things, but it is NOT a feeling. It’s a choice. A choice, through the power of Christ in us, to be patient and kind and not keep a record of wrongs, etc., but certainly a choice we make. And welcoming children into our family from traumatic beginnings means purposefully choosing a lot of things. We have seen friends choose to parent children whose circumstances meant that dreams like college, marriage, and independent living for their children would never be an option. We often choose to live with behaviors others would consider unacceptable and never understand. And yet, as believers, we know that without the grace of God Himself, we could and would be the same in our sin and flesh.
Adoption also allows us to “choose” other things, too! It chooses first steps to celebrate, self-control over other problematic behaviors, dances and dresses where you see your child shine and feel so good about themselves, athletic goals realized, report cards where effort has been made and noticed, high school graduations, meeting new friends, and a million other milestones along the way. We have the privilege of a front-row seat to some of the biggest failures and also some of the biggest achievements for these children who do not share our DNA but whom we love with every fiber of our being.
Gospel Community—Walking Together
On the hard days, I’m thankful for people in my Gospel Community who point me back to what is true about the kids we parent. I’m thankful that the Lord loves them more than I do and is writing a story far beyond what we could ask or imagine for their lives. I’m thankful for people who bring coffee when we’ve been up all night with night terrors or hospital stays. I’m thankful for meals dropped off on the days that feel over-full and overwhelming. For people who take my kids to do fun things when I don’t have any fun left in me, or say hard truths to them when I know they won’t listen to my words. I am thankful for the people who “hold up my arms” like Aaron and Hur did for Moses in Exodus 17.
What is a Gospel Community?
Gospel communities are small, close-knit groups of believers who intentionally share life together with Jesus at the center. They gather regularly to study Scripture, pray, serve others, and encourage one another in faith. More than a traditional Bible study, a gospel community is a way of life—built on discipleship, accountability, and living out the gospel in everyday relationships. Members walk with each other through both challenges and celebrations, growing together while being a visible expression of Christ’s love in their neighborhood.
A verse I often go back to is Galatians 6:9 (ESV): “Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” Our Community who chooses to wrap around us, love us in hard seasons, and celebrate small victories with us plays such a huge role in us not growing weary. Gospel Community is absolutely the BEST way to live out a life of faith. We realize that not everyone is called to adopt and welcome children into their home, but as Christ followers, we ARE all called to the business of taking care of orphans and widows in their distress (James 1:27). Sometimes a cup of coffee dropped off or a text that you’re praying for a parent of an adopted child is taking care of that orphan.
Adoption, at its best, starts with loss and trauma. For a baby, loss of familiar voices and sounds, and smells. A heartbeat they have heard since they could hear at all is no longer close, and their body is expected to settle into a new heart’s rhythm. Adoption is also redemptive and beautiful. But it is not beautiful before it is hard. This is not the way families were designed. In the very best circumstances, there is still loss and grief where adoption is concerned. There are unanswered questions and feelings of abandonment that will plague a child for all of their life. And yet, if we could do it all over again, we would choose adoption every time. The wins outweigh the losses; the good moments are greater than the hard, and the opportunity to tangibly live out the commands of Scripture through the act of welcoming strangers into our home in obedience to the Lord is always the better way.
