Written by Ashleigh Andersen, foster parent of 17 years
The following has been edited for brevity and clarity.
To the Family Considering Foster Care,
If I had to describe the world of foster care, I would liken it to a roller coaster. In the 17 years my husband and I have been foster parents, we have lived through some of the highest highs and lowest lows, along with some crazy launches, corkscrews, and loop-de-loops thrown in—all at a breakneck speed.
As the roller coaster of foster care rises, falls, spins us around, and makes us second-guess whether or not we should have ever gotten on the ride, the sweet reminder of the good and gentle Shepherd is the greatest comfort.
Proverbs 16:9 says, “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” I know that, as humans, we have ways we would prefer life to go, but ultimately the Lord sees it all from beginning to end and has plans greater than we could imagine. We know that the Lord has established and ordered, not only our steps, but those of the children and families we meet through foster care.
The first part of any good roller coaster is the climb that leads to the drop. The anticipation and nerves build as the ride climbs, and it culminates at the top when you have a second to enjoy the view. That’s like your licensing classes. While you’re learning a ton, you’re also learning it at a steady, manageable pace.
Receiving your first placement call is like the “launch” on a ride. It’s fast and exciting, but things happen quick! A call saying there’s a child needing placement leads to SO many questions: gender, age, siblings, first time in care, reason for coming into care, medication, car seat, diapers, the list goes on and on. In a flurry of activity, you’re finishing up a room and adding last-minute touches to make a child feel welcome and safe.
Then, the ride continues as they walk in the door, and the anticipation builds as you wonder if there will be loops, spins, corkscrews, or sudden stops. Stepping into foster care will open your eyes to a different world. Generational patterns of heartbreak and abuse that you thought only happened on TV will become so visible in your home. This tricky and heartbreaking cycle will only ever stop by healing from the Lord Himself.
As a foster parent, every time a child walks through your door, you have an opportunity to show the love and hope of Christ to a family in desperate need of knowing a brighter future is possible—that there are better ways to live than the hopeless cycles they have endured so far.
On the roller coaster ride of foster care, the fast descent into twists and turns is just the beginning as the ride continues to be unpredictable. I’ll never forget the story of 13-year-old Anya.* She was a part of our foster home before reunifying with her family; however, instability continued, and just six months later, she re-entered foster care.
The case worker knocked on our door about 11:30 p.m., and this young teenage girl we had sent home 6 months earlier—with everything she would need to have a successful do-over with her family—fell into my arms and sobbed herself to sleep. Heartbreak, disappointment, and relief all mixed together in the loudest sobs I had ever heard.
In moments like these, the ride seems to slow for just a second, giving you space to breathe deeply and cling to the provision, comfort, and hope we have in Jesus.
It’s important to reflect on these slow moments of heartbreak and put our energy into loving the children entrusted in our care well because, soon enough, the roller coaster will get back to full speed.
And then come the upside-down and twisty parts. You know, those parts where you’re certain that all the contents of your stomach are about to make a swift exit? That’s what court dates can feel like. You’re constantly questioning: “What will a judge say? Will anything about the case change? Will you have to testify?” There are a million unknown variables that can happen in court, and you are there just hanging on for the ride.
But amidst all the twists, turns, and drops, something else emerges too—joy.
Foster care brings joy through the opportunity to love like Jesus loves. Often on a roller coaster, when the ride is over, you’re smiling and laughing hysterically because it was so fun and thrilling. Thankfully, in the world of foster care, there are plenty of moments like this. These moments could be watching a child pass a test you helped them study for, first steps and giggles from a tiny toothless little one, and so much in between.
But the most joyful moments are watching bio parents or family members work a plan and fight to get their family back together. In foster care, you get to regularly play a role in a child finding a safe, forever home— either with their biological family, your home, or somewhere else.
Every time you treat foster children with dignity, hold their little bodies while they cry, or meet a need in a loving way, a part of them heals from the trauma they experienced. It’s healing their heart and creating new neuropathways in their brains that allow them to begin believing people can be safe and steady.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 reminds us, “Love is patient and is kind. Love doesn’t envy. Love doesn’t brag, is not proud, doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…” (WEB)
These words become a powerful guidepost in foster care, shaping and measuring your thoughts and actions toward the foster children in your home and their families as well.
This is how we show the love of Jesus: choose patience and kindness, do not be proud and seek your own way, but rather to bear with, believe, hope, and endure with a family. Extending this love is critically important and a gift to demonstrate. We may never know, on this side of eternity, the full impact of loving foster children and their families with a 1 Corinthians definition of love— but we CAN know that choosing to obey the Word of God will always bring a harvest because God’s Word never returns void.
When we choose to foster, we are entering a world that is dark and broken. As followers of Christ, we get to be light in the middle of all that darkness. Our homes get to be a “city on a hill” for children in need—places where we can share the love of Jesus in tangible ways to image-bearers of our Creator.
In the same way that Jesus, at the Last Supper, put on a towel and began to wash his disciples’ feet, we get to serve families in their most broken and vulnerable moments. We can follow our Savior by loving children and families regardless of what comes next.
In the moments when a child needs a safe place to land, we can step into that space together and share the hope of Jesus to a lost and broken world.
Though the roller coaster of foster care is filled with twists, turns, and surprises, Jesus Christ is the safety bar that keeps us secure through it all—and because of Him, we can embrace and enjoy the ride.
Welcome to the wild ride of foster care!
—Ashleigh Andersen
*Name changed for privacy